Present Chains

The Second Spirit Skipped the Doom Tour 🎭

Sighs in trapped narrator The Second Spirit of Christmas Present was supposed to reveal "empty fairways, locked pro shop, and excluded youth" at Timmons Park this week, but someone forgot to tell the twenty players who showed up on December 26th to absolutely shred the prophecy. Week 4 of A Chainsmas Carol dropped into unseasonably mild 58°F weather, and instead of ghostly versions of turned-away families haunting the parking lot, we got five first-time players—including three rookies who posted genuinely impressive scores—and Kenny Johnson dropping a -9 bomb that made the Iron Accountant's frozen ledger start weeping. Also, Jeff Purcell aced hole 1 without buying into the ace pot, which is the kind of cosmic injustice that makes me wonder if the spirits are just messing with us at this point. The present state isn't desolate; it's thriving. Someone should probably update the script. 🎄

The Rookie Who Forgot to Be Nervous

Derek Dempsey walked into his first league event and carded a wire-to-wire -7 (954-rated) with zero bogeys, which is the kind of performance that makes you wonder if he's secretly been practicing at Timmons for years under an assumed name. Nine birdies, nine pars, and not a single moment of doubt—Derek led from hole 1 and never looked back, beating Alexander Goodson and Cyle Shook (who tied at -4) by three strokes. Goodson's regression from last week's -9 tie for first is worth noting: his 914-rated round was 83 points below his previous performance, suggesting the Ghost of Christmas Past might have opinions about consistency. Meanwhile, Stephen Scoggins posted the division's most dramatic improvement—a 10-stroke swing from last week's +7 to this week's -3 (901-rated, still 30 points below his rating but a massive step forward). The MPO field was thin but competitive, and Derek's bogey-free clinic set a high bar for the rest of the season. 🔥

The Counting House Got Audited

Kenny Johnson shot a -9 (981-rated) that was +64 above his 917 rating, which is the kind of performance that makes the Iron Accountant itself stop taking notes and start questioning its entire existence. He carded 45 strokes—demolishing his 51.5 personal average by 6.5 and the field average by 4.3—and climbed from tag #9 to tag #1 in a single round, seizing the Iron Accountant from... himself? (More on that spectral accounting error in a moment.) The 7-stroke improvement from last week's -2 suggests Kenny was saving his fury for "Present Chains" week, and when he unleashed it, the ledger shattered. Zach Taylor couldn't defend his #1 position from last week, dropping to 5th with a -1 (874-rated, -47 below his previous performance), while Bill Pauley held steady at -3 (901-rated) for 4th place. The Counting House just got a new auditor, and he's not interested in low variance anymore. 📊

Hole 1 Giveth, Hole 1 Taketh Away

Jeff Purcell dominated MA3 wire-to-wire with a -4 (914-rated, +54 above his 860 rating), highlighted by an ACE on hole 1—that 265-foot downhill shot through the tree canopy with the creek immediately left of the basket—that he didn't buy into the ace pot for. Let me repeat that for the folks in the back: Jeff aced the opening hole, chains rang across the mill pond, and he walked away with zero dollars because he opted out of the ace pot. This is the kind of tragicomedy that makes the Victorian ghosts look like amateurs. Leo Evette took second at -2, posting a solid round but unable to keep pace with Jeff's hot start. The ace was legitimate, the scorecard was clean, and the wallet remained unmoved. Maximum pain, properly accounted for. 💸

Musical Chairs With Scorecards

James Cable won MA4 at +1 (847-rated) after eleven lead changes among four players, which is the kind of chaos that makes you wonder if anyone was actually keeping score or just taking turns guessing. Cable's 8-stroke improvement from last week's +9 (767-rated) earned him the division win and the Trailblazer achievement (inaugural course record at Timmons in MA4), though the real story is the lead-change circus: Jason Roe, Shawn Lockaby, and Justin Muse all took turns at the top before Cable's +1 held for the finish. The division was thin but competitive, and Cable's consistency on the back nine sealed the deal. Someone should probably write a thriller about this card—or at least a spreadsheet with more columns. 🎪

Trailblazers Don't Need Competition

Abe Mills (MA40), Andrew Kenney (MA50), and carole custom (FA4) all set inaugural course records as solo division entrants, which is the disc golf equivalent of showing up to an empty theater and declaring yourself the winner of the talent show. Abe carded a -1 (874-rated, -37 below his 911 rating) in his first league event, proving that sometimes you just need to show up and let the course do the talking. Kenney posted a -3 (900-rated) to beat Terry Howard by one stroke in MA50—Terry's -2 (887-rated, +12 above his 875 rating) was a 4-stroke improvement from last week's +2, but Kenney's first-timer momentum carried the day. And carole custom's +47 in FA4 was a resilient performance that included a birdie after a rough start, setting the inaugural record and showing up when it mattered. All three earned Trailblazer achievements, and all three proved that competition is optional when you're writing history. 🏆

Four PBs, One Ace, Zero Ace Pot Payouts

Kenny Johnson's +64 above rating wasn't just impressive—it was a personal best, joining James Cable, Jonathan Muse, and Terry Howard in the PB club this week. Bill Pauley ran a Birdie Bonanza on holes 7-8-9, stringing together three consecutive birdies to anchor his -3 card, while Abe Mills posted the sole birdie on hole 10 (that steep uphill shot to the rocky ledge) and Leo Evette was the only player to birdie hole 12 (the 320-footer across the creek to the thin rock ridge). Derek Dempsey's bogey-free -7 remains the week's cleanest card, and Jeff Purcell's ace on hole 1 remains the week's most painful missed opportunity. The field showed up ready to compete, and the course responded with a mix of birdies, pars, and just enough chaos to keep things interesting. 📈

The Iron Accountant Weeps Frozen Tears 🧊

Kenny Johnson seized the #1 Iron Accountant tag, climbing from #9 with his +64 rating explosion that made the spectral Victorian clerk stop scratching invisible tallies and start questioning its entire ledger. The tag's lore describes it as "a gaunt, spectral figure clad in tattered Victorian accounting attire, its skin pale as frosted glass and eyes glowing with the cold light of locked vaults"—and this week, that frozen gaze finally blinked. Kenny's -9 demolished the predictability the Iron Accountant had been auditing all season, and the latest tag history reads like a treatise on computational failure: "Low variance. Predictable returns. Well, the accountant was wrong, and I've never been happier to report a computational failure." Meanwhile, Jeff Purcell claimed the Generous Bell (#1 in the Carol Singers pool), proving that the spirits are reshuffling the ledger across multiple timelines. The Iron Accountant's chains clink with iron-bound ledgers and spectral ink, but Kenny's dominance this week suggests the ghost is running out of pages. ⛓️

The Ace Pot Remains Haunted 👻

Jeff Purcell's ace on hole 1 didn't pay out because he didn't buy into the ace pot, which means the Super Ace pot remains unclaimed and presumably still growing from Week 3's $158+. That 265-foot downhill shot through the tree canopy—with the creek left and the steep hill right—is a classic risk-reward opener, and Jeff threaded the needle perfectly. Chains rang, scorecards were updated, and the wallet stayed closed. The ace pot's spectral nature continues to haunt the league, waiting for someone to both hit metal and opt in. Next week, maybe bring a few extra dollars. The ghosts are watching. 💰

The Ghost of Skins Future Beckons 🎭

No skins data was provided for Week 4, so I'm left to assume either nobody opted in or the ledger got lost in the mill pond. Either way, the Ghost of Skins Future is beckoning from Week 5 ("Tiny's Throw"), where a child's disc will mysteriously appear and lead players through a hidden route. If you want to add some extra drama to your card, consider enabling skins—any card can opt in, and the swings can get genuinely interesting when the course has opinions. Learn how to set up skins and see if the spirits reward your boldness. 🌀

Twenty Dollars Toward a Haunt-Free Future

The Second Spirit was supposed to reveal empty fairways and excluded youth, but the actual present state at Timmons Park is thriving: twenty players, five first-timers, and enough scoring chaos to keep the ghosts entertained. This week's automatic $1/player contribution added $20 to the Timmons Course Fund, bringing the total to $107.50 (11% of the $1,000 goal). The fund is building something permanent—new tee pads, improved signage, erosion control on those steep creek banks—unlike the spectral accountants and frozen ledgers that haunt the narrative. Every dollar raised goes toward making Timmons a better home course for the community, and unlike the ghosts, those improvements won't disappear when the season ends. The mill wheel keeps turning, and so does the progress. 🏗️

Tiny's Throw Awaits ⛳

Week 5 brings "Tiny's Throw," where a child's disc will mysteriously appear and lead players through a hidden route showing what the community has lost. The season is now 40% complete, the bag tag battles are intensifying (Kenny's #1 Iron Accountant seizure, Jeff's Generous Bell claim), and the Super Ace pot continues to grow like a spectral investment account. Bring a friend, bring a child's disc, and see if the spirits have any more surprises in store. The Ghost of Christmas Future is getting impatient, and the back half of the season is going to get weird. See you at the gates. 🎄