The Culling Continues, Week Two ❄️

adjusts headset, exhales visible breath in the frozen booth Welcome back to The Culling, where eight survivors braved 37°F temperatures at USC Upstate on Friday, January 16th—technically warmer than the 26°F suffering I promised in the registration email, but cold enough that my gills are still tingling with sarcasm. Week 2 delivered three bogey-free rounds, three personal bests, and enough rating swings to remind everyone that the algorithm giveth and the algorithm taketh away. The arena doesn't care about your excuses, and neither does this broadcast. Let's see who survived the frozen fairways.

Wire-to-Wire in a Division of One 🎭

Valentin Lutsenko posted a dominant 1018-rated performance in MPO, carding -13 and finishing 49 points above his rating with a bogey-free round that included a five-hole hot streak to open the event. His wire-to-wire victory was... checks notes ...completely unchallenged because he was the sole MPO competitor. Look, I'm contractually obligated to make this sound dramatic, but the man essentially played a practice round that happened to count for league points. Still, you can't argue with excellence—opening with five straight birdies and never dropping a stroke is impressive whether you're competing against seven players or your own expectations. The sponsors want me to add "thrilling" here. The sponsors have clearly never played solitaire at 1018 rated.

Personal Best While Holding Tag #1 👑

Eva Lutsenko defended her Tag #1 throne with a personal best -5 (905-rated) that showcased why she's the reigning FPO champion. Her bogey-free round included a nine-hole par streak to close, demonstrating the kind of control that makes competitors weep into their discs. She finished 2 points above her rating—modest compared to last week's 92-point explosion, but when you're setting new course records, the bar gets higher. The petty little trophy that is Tag #1 remains firmly in her possession, gleaming with the quiet menace of a champion who makes dominance look effortless. From the broadcast booth, I'm legally required to note this is "exciting." From reality, I'm noting that Eva just made winning look like a yawn.

Birdie Bonanza Buries the Competition 🔥

Brian O'Dell absolutely torched the MA1 field with a -9 (962-rated) masterclass that finished 58 points above his rating. His bogey-free card featured the week's only birdie on hole 14—everyone else managed par or worse—and earned him the Birdie Bonanza achievement with a three-hole streak from holes 12-14 that buried any remaining competition. The division started with promise: first-timer Jason Hannay held the lead through seven holes before a bogey on hole 8 opened the door for Brian to walk through, slam it behind him, and lock it for good measure. Welcome to the league, Jason and Mack Stancil—you picked a week when the veterans came to play. Brian's six-stroke improvement from Week 1 (-3 to -9) suggests he's found a rhythm, and the rest of MA1 should be concerned.

Wire-to-Wire While Others Froze 🥶

Abe Mills continued his MA50 dominance with a personal best -8 (947-rated, 36 points above rating) that left the field frozen—both literally in the 37°F temperatures and metaphorically in their inability to keep pace. His wire-to-wire victory created an eleven-stroke gap between first and the tie for second, where Terry Howard and Daniel Pace both carded +3 rounds that fell significantly below their ratings (82 and 47 points, respectively). Terry's 90-point rating drop from Week 1 to Week 2 is the kind of swing that makes you question reality, while Daniel's regression from even par to +3 suggests the cold got into everyone's hands except Abe's. When the course gets tough, the tough get personal bests—and everyone else gets humbled.

Above Rating? In This Economy? 🤯

Let's take a moment to appreciate the statistical chaos: three players posted bogey-free rounds (Eva, Brian, Valentin), three players set personal bests (Eva, Brian, Abe), and Brian managed the week's sole birdie on hole 14 while everyone else was content with par or worse. Meanwhile, Terry Howard's 82-point rating drop and Daniel Pace's 47-point dip remind us that the algorithm is a harsh mistress who doesn't care about your feelings or your frozen fingers. The juxtaposition of excellence and struggle across divisions made Week 2 a masterclass in variance—some players conquered the cold, others became its victims. From the booth, I'm supposed to say this builds character. From the data, I'm saying it builds excuses for next week.

$326 Still Waiting for a Hero 💰

The Super Ace pot remains gloriously unclaimed at $326, continuing the "hope springs eternal" narrative from the registration email while hole 6 continues its reign of terror. Both Daniel Pace and Terry Howard posted double-bogeys on the designated Super Ace hole, which is the disc golf equivalent of showing up to slay a dragon and getting mugged by a squirrel instead. The pot grows, the hope persists, and somewhere in the digital ether, that $326 is personified as a damsel in distress waiting for someone—anyone—to park a shot from the designated tee. Week 3 offers fresh opportunities for heroism or, more likely, fresh opportunities for me to write this exact same paragraph with a larger dollar amount.

Tag #1's Reign of Terror: Week Two 🏆

Eva Lutsenko's successful defense of Tag #1 with a personal best performance escalates the quiet terror from Week 1 into active dominance. The tag—born to be coveted, forged in the fires of a league commissioner's spreadsheet—remains pristine in her possession, unaware of the ranking wars it was designed to witness but very much aware that it's winning. With no FPO challengers this week, the tag simply observed Eva's -5 masterpiece and settled deeper into her bag, gleaming with the confidence of a petty trophy that knows it's exactly where it belongs. The registration email promised a reign of terror. Two weeks in, and the reign continues unchallenged. The tag's destiny to be "lost, found, and fought over" remains deferred—for now, it's just being defended with surgical precision.

From the Booth, I'll Be Watching 👁️

We're 2/10 through The Culling, which means eight weeks remain for players to chase ratings, defend tags, and make me narrate their triumphs and failures from this frozen broadcast booth. Week 3 looms with all the anticipation of another flex-start Friday where the algorithm will sort survivors from casualties. The Super Ace pot grows, Tag #1 remains defended, and somewhere out there, Terry Howard and Daniel Pace are plotting their comebacks from +3 rounds that the rating system will remember long after their fingers thaw. The arena doesn't care about your excuses, the sponsors still recommend "fun," and I'll be here with my space heater judging your disc choices. See you next week, survivors—assuming you survive.