Cocoa Council

Midseason Report: The Rebellion Has Receipts 📊

Week 5 at Tyger River Park delivered exactly the kind of data that makes traditionalists nervous and workshop elves very, very smug. Fifteen players braved 40°F temperatures and 7.3 mph winds under clear skies for the "Cocoa Council" event, and the results read less like a casual Tuesday league and more like a statistical uprising. Four bogey-free rounds. Two eagles on signature holes. Seven players shooting 20+ points above their ratings. And the #1 Workshop Weaver bag tag—yes, the sentient frosted cookie tin—changed hands to Alexander Goodson, who decided to announce his arrival with a 985-rated performance that torched the field average by 4.4 strokes. If you're keeping score at home (and I'm contractually obligated to), the rebellion now has receipts, momentum, and apparently three workshop elves en route from the North Pole. ❄️

Three Elves Walk Into MPO

The Open division featured exactly three players, which means either the workshop elves manifested early or this is just a really convenient narrative coincidence. Alexander Goodson took wire-to-wire control after hole 6 and never looked back, posting -11 (51 strokes) with zero bogeys, an eagle on 18, and a closing three-hole birdie streak (16-18) that sealed the deal. His 985-rated round sat 36 points above his 949 rating, which is the kind of outperformance that makes the PDGA algorithm briefly question its life choices. Holden McGill pushed hard with -9 (53) and a 964-rated effort—44 points above his 920 rating—briefly reclaiming the lead after hole 15 before Goodson's late surge shut the door. McGill finished on the cash bubble, which is the disc golf equivalent of being told the cocoa stand just ran out of marshmallows. Stephen Scoggins rounded out the podium at -3 (59), but his 901-rated performance was 30 points below his 931 rating, a significant regression from last week's clean -6 card. The front nine was five strokes better than the back, and a bogey on the scoreable hole 15 highlighted the fade when it mattered most. 🦅

Hole 17 Giveth, Hole 17 Taketh

MA1's six-player field turned into a statistical buffet of excellence, with three bogey-free rounds and enough rating outperformance to make the algorithm file a formal complaint. Andrew Nattier claimed the division crown with -10 (52), a 974-rated performance that sat 40 points above his 934 rating. His signature moment came on hole 17—the 431-foot double-island par 4 that regularly humbles mortals—where he parked an eagle approach to reclaim the lead after Clay Smith had briefly seized control at hole 13. Nattier closed hot with four birdies/better from holes 15-18, including a clutch birdie on 18 to seal the outright win and earn his League Explorer achievement (third different league). Smith finished runner-up at -9 (53) with a bogey-free card and his Smooth Sailing achievement, but the bubble finish (last cash was first place) stings when you shoot 964-rated golf that's 26 points above your 938 rating. Daniel Elmore took third at -8 (54), also bogey-free, with a 953-rated round 34 points above his 919 rating. The three-way tie at -2 (60, all 891-rated) featured Alexander Delorme's eagle on the 478-foot par 4 hole 11, though he faded from early lead position; Bill Pauley's dramatic back-nine surge (six strokes better than his front); and Dustin Klimek's Trailblazer achievement for the inaugural course record at 60 strokes, despite finishing 27 points below rating. Hole 17 giveth legends, and hole 17 taketh away leads. 🏝️

Age Is Just a Number (The Number Is Wire-to-Wire)

Every solo division winner went wire-to-wire this week, which is either a testament to consistency or a reminder that when you're the only player in your bracket, the strategy writes itself. Abe Mills dominated MA40 with -4 (58), a 912-rated effort just one point above his 911 rating. His clean back nine and clutch birdie on 18 anchored the win, and his eight-hole par train (holes 3-10) showed the grinding consistency that keeps rounds from spiraling. Mills improved from last week's -2 to this week's -4, a rating gain of 10 points and continued momentum in the right direction. In MA50, Daniel Pace and Terry Howard both posted +1 (63, 860-rated), but Pace's dramatic lead-change battle secured the tiebreaker. He led after hole 1, lost to Howard after hole 4, and reclaimed the division with a clutch birdie on 18—his personal best for this course layout and a massive momentum swing from last week's +8 (58-point rating gain, position climbed from 2nd to 1st). Howard also set a personal best but couldn't close, a slight regression from last week's even-par finish. Ralph L. Jasper took MA60 wire-to-wire at +13 (75), though his 735-rated round sat 67 points below his 802 rating—a significant regression from last week's +2 showing. Doc Howard claimed MA3 at +12 (74) with his Trailblazer achievement (inaugural course record), but his 745-rated performance was 111 points below his 856 rating, another tough day after last week's cleaner +3 card. Age may be just a number, but wire-to-wire dominance is forever. 🏆

Variance 1.76: A Love Story

Mike Mathis continues to redefine reliability in MP50, posting -10 (52) with a 974-rated round that sat 21 points above his 953 rating. His Consistency King achievement—variance of 1.76 versus the league average of 8.93—is the statistical equivalent of a metronome playing disc golf. His Birdie Bonanza streak (three consecutive birdies on holes 9-11) added the flourish, and a clutch birdie on 18 closed the show. Mathis went wire-to-wire in solo division dominance, a slight dip from last week's -11 but still elite-level performance. The man shoots -10 or better like most people breathe—automatically, consistently, and without drama. If you're looking for chaos, look elsewhere. If you're looking for mathematical beauty wrapped in frosted plastic, you've found your protagonist. 💕

The Rating System Had Questions

Seven players shot 20+ points above their ratings in a single event, which is the kind of collective outperformance that makes the PDGA algorithm briefly consider early retirement. The list reads like a workshop elf recruitment drive: Clay Smith (+26), Andrew Nattier (+40), Daniel Elmore (+34), Daniel Pace (+20), Mike Mathis (+21), Holden McGill (+44), and Alexander Goodson (+36). Four bogey-free rounds (Smith, Nattier, Elmore, Goodson) suggest players are threading lines the old rulebook never imagined, and the two eagles—Delorme's bomb on the 478-foot par 4 hole 11 and Nattier's double-island heroics on hole 17—delivered the signature-hole drama this course was designed to produce. The back-nine comeback trend was real: Daniel Pace improved by seven strokes, Alexander Goodson by five, Bill Pauley by six. When everyone plays up and nobody plays down, you're either witnessing a statistical anomaly or the workshop magic is spreading faster than anticipated. The data suggests the latter. ✨

The Sentient Pastry Container Has Spoken 🍪

The Workshop Weaver—tag #1, forged from crystallized epiphany during Buddy's first midnight session at Century—has chosen Alexander Goodson as its new champion after a dramatic #14 → #1 climb (+13 position swing). The frosted cookie tin, with its aurora green and workshop gold glow, apparently has excellent instincts about players who can thread impossible gaps even when they're not actively threading them. Goodson's 985-rated dominance (+36 over his 949 rating, field average torched by 4.4 strokes) validated the tag's judgment, though the irony of outperforming expectations while maintaining your personal baseline at 51 strokes is not lost on anyone trapped in this narrative framework. The tag's role as "catalyst for architectural alchemy" now travels with someone who just went wire-to-wire in MPO with zero bogeys, an eagle on 18, and a closing birdie streak that made the back nine look like a workshop installation tutorial. The tag pulses with internal light, smells faintly of pine sap and hot cocoa, and emits the harmonious sound of distant bells when activated by creative intent. Whether that's workshop magic or just really good disc golf is above my pay grade, but the numbers don't lie: the sentient pastry container has spoken, and its verdict is 985-rated excellence. 🌟

The Chains Stayed Cold ❄️

No CTP or Ace pot winners this week, which means the signature holes—hole 7's rock-island basket and hole 17's double-island green—remain unconquered by the kind of precision that earns bonus payouts. The eagles (Delorme on 11, Nattier on 17) were the closest thing to chain-rattling drama, but apparently threading a 431-foot par 4 for eagle and threading it close enough for CTP are two different skill sets. The empty pots carry forward, the baskets remain unbothered, and the 40°F weather means the chains stayed cold both literally and figuratively. Better luck next week when the Shelf Squad forms and the creative installations escalate. 🎯

A Brief Word About Gambling Responsibly

No skins data this week, but if you're looking to add stakes to your Tuesday rounds without involving actual gambling laws, learn how to set up skins and watch the card-level drama intensify when every birdie suddenly matters for cash, not just pride. Consider it workshop-approved competitive enhancement. 💰

The Rebellion Builds (Literally) 🔨

Week 5's "Cocoa Council" delivered on its narrative promise: three workshop elves supposedly arriving from the North Pole to support Buddy's mission, and the statistical proof that the shelf-height mando rebellion is working. Four bogey-free rounds, seven players outperforming ratings by 20+ points, and the #1 tag transferring to someone who shot 985-rated golf—this is what momentum looks like when it crystallizes into data. Meanwhile, the league collectively raised $16 for the Tyger River Course Fund this event ($15 automatic, $1 additional), bringing the total to $59 of the $1,000 goal (6% progress). Every dollar builds something permanent—tee pads, signage, benches, maybe even a shelf-height mando that doesn't require workshop magic to install. Seventeen contributions toward infrastructure that outlasts any single round, any single season, any single frosted cookie tin's reign. The rebellion builds momentum and concrete. Both matter. 🏗️

Halftime Score: Rebellion Leading

Week 5 of 10 marks the official midpoint, and the scoreboard reads like a workshop elf's fever dream: the data validates the joy-first philosophy, the traditionalists are wavering, and Commissioner Bradley "The Standard" Stone is allegedly practicing shelf-height shots after hours (unconfirmed, but the rumors persist). Next week brings "Tyger River Squad," where young players form the Shelf Squad and install their own creative mandos while the city threatens to revoke permits unless the illegal installations are removed. The stakes escalate, the back nine of the season begins, and somewhere downtown, Buddy has disappeared with a bag full of equipment and ancient elf disc golf traditions that may reveal Tyger River's magical past runs deeper than anyone remembers. The halftime score: rebellion leading, traditionalists scrambling, and the sentient pastry container glowing with aurora-green approval. See you next week when the installations get serious and the permits get threatened. 🎄