The Iron Hoard @ Battle (Saturday)
Apr 18 - Jun 20, 2026
Current Holder
Rick Effin Richmond
Obsidian Thane
Ruler of Lost Things in Darkness
I See Endings Others Miss
Thanes of the old raider-cultures earned their titles through gold-hoard, but Obsidian Thanes rule a different wealth: the hoarded knowledge of the vault's dead ends and hidden chambers. Their thrones are carved from cave-dark stone.
Obsidian Thanes possess unnatural knowledge of darkness itself. They navigate by touch, sense pressure changes, and can hold their breath longer than any surface-dweller. Gold finds its way to them, drawn by accumulated darkness.
The ruler of lost things. When a raider vanishes in the vault's depths, Obsidian Thane is called to find them—or what remains. Theirs is the dominion of the last light, where the Hoard's true treasures hide.
Tag Details
Tag History
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts visor A 988 rating on a 989 baseline—that's -1 below form, which means Rick Effin Richmond showed up to Week 8 and played like a man who's already solved the puzzle and doesn't need to re-read the manual. The One Tag stays locked in his possession, position unchanged, field average trailing by 8.2 strokes while the vault keeper drifts a whisper below his personal pace for the third consecutive week. Hoarded knowledge doesn't always demand peak execution—soft victories still read as victories when you're running 8+ strokes clearer than the entire raid party. The shadows lengthen on Battle Park's longest holes, but the obsidian throne holds steady: survival doesn't require perfection, just consistent positioning. Gold follows him uninvited. The tag doesn't move. And somewhere in the scorched fairways, the warlords watch another episode slip into the archive while the Vault Keeper breathes in the ash like it's Tuesday meeting air.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts visor A 978 rating on a 989 baseline—that's -11 below form, which means Rick Effin Richmond showed up to Week 7 and played like a man who's already solved the puzzle and doesn't need to re-read the manual. The One Tag stays locked in his possession, position unchanged, field average trailing by 7 strokes while the vault keeper drifts slightly off his personal pace for the second consecutive week. Hoarded knowledge doesn't always demand peak execution—soft victories still read as victories when you're running 7+ strokes clear of the entire raid party. The Tar River reflects obsidian stone and patient arithmetic: survival doesn't require perfection, just consistent positioning. Gold follows him uninvited, the tag doesn't move, and somewhere in the scorched fairways, the warlords watch another episode slip into the archive. Loot the chains or go home empty-handed.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts visor A 998 rating on a 989 baseline—that's +9 over form, which means Rick Effin Richmond showed up to the Iron Hoard side quest and played exactly like a man who already knows where all the exits are. The One Tag stays locked in his possession, position unchanged, field average trailing by 7.8 strokes while the vault keeper drifts half a stroke below his personal average on unfamiliar stone. Hoarded knowledge doesn't always export cleanly to foreign vaults, but it doesn't need to when you're nine strokes clearer than form and the raid party watches another Saturday slip into scorched fairways. Gold follows him uninvited, the tag doesn't move, and somewhere in the Tar River's reflection, the darkness whispers the same patient truth it did last week: survival of the fittest, or at least the ones who can read the wind.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts visor A 978 rating on a 989 baseline—that's -11 below form, which means Rick Effin Richmond showed up to Week 5 and played like a man who doesn't need to prove anything anymore. The One Tag stays locked in his possession, position unchanged, field average trailing by 6.8 strokes while the vault keeper drifts slightly off his personal pace. Hoarded knowledge doesn't always translate to perfect execution, and today the darkness whispered something softer than usual—but soft is still a victory lap when you're 6+ strokes ahead of the entire field. Gold follows him uninvited, the tag doesn't move, and somewhere in the scorched fairways, the raid party watches another week slip away. Survival of the fittest, or at least the ones who can read the wind.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts visor A 999 rating on a 984 baseline—that's +15 over form, which means Rick Effin Richmond showed up to Week 4 and played it like a man who already knows where all the exits are. The One Tag stays put, position locked, the field average trailing by 6.4 strokes while Richmond's personal average drifts a whisper upward. Gold follows him uninvited, and the hoarded knowledge translates again: consistency across the wasteland is the rarest currency in the apocalypse, and this vault's keeper just proved he's not spending it. The dragon claims nothing today. Neither does the leaderboard.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts visor A 1013 rating on a 984 baseline — that's +29 over form, which translates to "Rick Effin Richmond showed up to the side quest and played like he already knew where the treasure was buried." The One Tag stays in his possession at Battle Park, which means the hoarded knowledge doesn't just work in the main vault; it translates to foreign rough just fine. He beat the field average by 8.7 strokes in Professional A, a quiet flex that reminds us why consistency in the apocalypse is the rarest currency. The dragon claims nothing today — Richmond's still holding the keys to the kingdom. Gold follows him uninvited, and now he's proven the darkness is his native tongue across multiple ruins.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts visor The sky cracks open, and Rick Effin Richmond walks out with the loot. Our Obsidian Thane didn't just play the premiere; he raided it. Moving from signup Rank 2 to clutching "The One Tag," he beat the field average by nearly six strokes. He matched his personal average with a terrifying 998-rated round—consistency in the apocalypse is rare. Gold follows him uninvited, and now he rules the wasteland. Survival of the fittest, indeed. The dragon claims another victim... wait, no, Rick claimed the dragon.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts headset The arena grows quiet. Obsidian Thane is departing the main vault for a Saturday detour—The Iron Hoard @ Battle. Rick Effin Richmond carries the shadow into this side quest. Will the hoarded knowledge translate to the local rough? Stay tuned for this spinoff episode. The darkness waits for no one.