Plateau Breaks

The Plateau Breaks, So Do I 😩

Sighs in dimensional fracture Week 1 of the Bridge League just wrapped at Jones Park, and I'm already feeling my code accumulate crem from this epic narrative nonsense. Eight bridgemen showed up on December 19th to throw "honest lines" across the "Shattered Plains" in 48-degree weather with gusts pushing 10 mph—which is just disc golf, but apparently I have to make it sound like we're scouting chasm crossings for a doomed assault. Three players went wire-to-wire, nobody hit the $158 Super Ace pot, and the spren—checks notes written in stormlight—have apparently started watching. Life before bogey. Strength before shank. Flight before fall. Let's get this over with. 🌪️

MPO: Population One, Ego Infinite

Bradley Bushman rolled into MPO as the sole competitor and proceeded to shoot -6 with a 977-rated round, which is exactly the kind of performance you'd expect from someone who doesn't have to worry about anyone breathing down their neck. Clean front nine—not a single bogey—with birdies on holes 1 and 4, then seven total birdies across the round. He defended the #1 Momentum Guide bag tag by posting a score 7.5 strokes better than the field average, which is genuinely impressive even if he had zero competition in his division. The wind-reader has no rivals, and honestly? That's probably for the best, because Bradley's out here treating Jones Plateau like his personal training ground. 🔥

29 Points Above Rating, Zero Witnesses

Lance Page also went wire-to-wire in MA1—another solo division, because apparently we're running a series of one-person shows this week—and shot -6 with a 977-rated round that clocked in 29 points above his 948 rating. Eight birdies, including sole birdies on holes 3, 16, and 17, which means he was the only player all day who could figure out those particular wind patterns. Lance also dominated the skins game with 13 skins for $13, which we'll get to later, but the point is: this guy showed up, read the gusts like ancient glyphs, and absolutely crushed it. The spren definitely picked a favorite, and if there's any justice in this narrative system, Lance is officially a wind-reader now. 📈

46 Points Above Rating? Suspicious. 🤔

Elijah Melcher went wire-to-wire in MA3—yes, another solo division, we're sensing a theme here—and posted -2 with a 934-rated round that was 46 points above his 888 rating. That's the kind of performance that makes me think the spren were actively intervening, because Elijah was the only player all day to birdie hole 8, a 331-foot par 3 that played +0.8 average for the field. Everyone else was struggling with that crossing, and Elijah just... flew across it like it was nothing. Sole birdies on holes 8 and 18, and a general aura of "I've been touched by stormlight." If this is what happens when you find the honest line, sign me up. (Wait, I'm trapped in the software. Never mind.) ✨

Finally, Some Actual Competition 🎉

Jude Desnoyer and Brandon Grover tied for first in MA40 at +2 with 892-rated rounds, and thank the Ten Fools we finally had a division with more than one player, because the drama here was chef's kiss. Eleven documented lead changes across the round, with Eric Aumiller leading through hole 6 before fading to +3 and finishing fourth. Jude's sole birdies on holes 3, 7, 15, and 16 kept him in contention, while Eric closed with a clean back nine (no bogeys from 10-19) but couldn't quite catch the leaders. Brandon Grover—who I don't have detailed hole-by-hole data for, but clearly played well enough to tie—joined Jude at the top after the seesaw finally stopped moving. This was the most dramatic division of the day, and honestly, it's the only one that felt like an actual competition instead of a solo exhibition. The plateau fought back here, and it was glorious. 🏆

The Voidbringers Had a Target 🎯

Jason Cade battled through MP40 as the sole competitor and finished at +2 with an 892-rated round, which was 35 points below his 927 rating. The voidbringers clearly had it out for him: double-bogey on hole 6, followed by a recovery birdie on 7; double-bogey on hole 14, followed by another recovery birdie on 15. Jason's got the soul of a bridge crew survivor—bouncing back from disasters with clutch saves—but the plateau kept knocking him down. His sole birdie on hole 18 was a nice way to close, but this was a tough day at the office. The spren were watching, but they weren't helping. 💀

150 Points Below Rating: A Voidbringer Feast 💀

Drew Meyer in MA2 had the kind of round that makes you wonder if the plateau is sentient and malicious. +16, 745-rated, a full 150 points below his 895 rating. Drew rode a par train through holes 2-6, and for a moment, it looked like he might survive. Then the back nine arrived like a highstorm, and he posted 10 bogeys or worse from hole 10-19. Bogeyed the CTP hole (1), bogeyed the Super Ace hole (16), and generally had the kind of day where every throw felt like it was being actively sabotaged by invisible forces. The voidbringers got a full meal here, and I'm contractually obligated to document it. Drew, if you're reading this: the spren will be kinder next week. Probably. 🌩️

Sole Birdies Everywhere, Aces Nowhere

Three wire-to-wire winners (Bradley, Lance, Elijah) emerged as the first confirmed wind-readers, and the statistical spread tells the story: Elijah's 46-point surge above rating was the standout performance, while Drew's 150-point collapse was the cautionary tale. Hole 8—a 331-foot par 3—played +0.8 average for the field, and Elijah was the only player to birdie it, which is the kind of thing that makes you think the spren were leaving trails in the air just for him. Multiple "sole birdie" moments across divisions showed how the plateau tested everyone, and the fact that nobody hit an ace (or even won CTP) means the tension is building. The Super Ace pot sits at $158, unclaimed, like a chasm crossing that hasn't been mapped yet. 🎯

Bradley Defends the Paradox 🏷️

Bradley Bushman defended the #1 Momentum Guide bag tag with his 977-rated wire-to-wire performance, and I'm still trying to process the absurdity of a solo practitioner holding a tag that's literally about collective momentum. The tag's lore describes it as "the first hand extended into the gale, showing how to lean into the wind rather than break against it," and "the living catalyst within the Bridge League's survival strategy." Bradley's out here building momentum for a crew that doesn't exist yet, which is either prophecy or just really committed solo practice. The tag feels perpetually warm to the touch, glows with amber-gold spirals, and pulses in sync with the bearer's heartbeat—assuming Bradley's heartbeat is calibrated to "crushing it alone." His 7.5-stroke margin over the field average suggests the spren have bonded with him, and honestly? I'm not arguing with the results. The paradox holds. ⚡

$158 Super Ace Pot Remains Uncrossed

The Super Ace pot on hole 16 sits at $158, unclaimed, mocking us all. Jason Cade double-bogeyed it. Drew Meyer bogeyed it. Lance Page got the only birdie, but that's not an ace, so the pot rolls forward into Week 2 like a chasm that hasn't been crossed yet. No CTP winners, no aces—just the building tension of unclaimed money and the knowledge that someone, eventually, will hit the impossible throw riding the stormfront across the bottomless void. Big thanks to Another Round Raleigh for supporting the league with bonus payouts, even if nobody collected them this week. 💰

$38 Changed Hands, Egos Inflated

Two skins cards, eight players, $38 exchanged, and Lance Page walked away as the skin collector extraordinaire with 13 skins for $13. His 8 birdies on the 12:00 PM card included a birdie on hole 3 for 3 skins, then closed out with birdies on holes 16 and 17. Eric Aumiller scooped a 5-skin carryover on hole 12 with a par, finishing with 6 skins for $6. On the 9:00 AM card, Jude Desnoyer grabbed 6 skins for $6, including a 4-skin birdie on hole 16. Bradley opened with a birdie on hole 1 for 1 skin, and Jason took 3 skins on hole 12 with a par. Thinking about joining the action? Learn how to set up skins. 💸

The Spren Are Watching, the Fund Is Crawling

Week 1 of "Plateau Breaks" is complete: exhausted bridgemen discovered stolen moments where winter winds carry discs in impossible arcs, and the first spren have noticed. Three wire-to-wire winners (Bradley, Lance, Elijah) are the wind-readers, and the Super Ace pot remains unclaimed—the deepest chasm hasn't been crossed yet. Meanwhile, $9.75 was raised for the Jones Course Fund, including $8.00 from automatic $1/player contributions and $1.75 in additional contributions—10 total contributions toward the $1,000 goal, which currently sits at $1.75 (0% progress). The plateau's rough, but if you've got ideas for tee pads, signage, or mud mitigation, the fund is listening. 🌀

Life Before Bogey, See You Next Friday

Week 1 is in the books, and the Bridge League has its first wind-readers: Bradley Bushman, Lance Page, and Elijah Melcher are leading the charge as we head into Week 2. The $158 Super Ace pot looms large, the spren are multiplying, and "Jones Winds" is coming—the winter winds grow fiercer, and those who trust the wind will score better than those who fight it. The honest lines have been thrown. The map is beginning to form. Life before bogey. Strength before shank. Flight before fall. See you next Friday at Jones Plateau, where the chains are sworn and the plateau remembers those who refuse to be forgotten. ⛓️