It's the season finale—Benches Unveiled—and Louie the Lumberjack is standing in an empty woodshop wondering where all the apprentices went. The benches need building, the butts need seating, and this fundraiser is only 17% funded. The workshop doors are open. Someone grab a chisel.
The Blueprint
*adjusts clipboard* Welcome to the finale of Benches for Butts, where NAU Disc Golf's finest lumberjack apprentices have spent eight weeks turning raw Ponderosa pine into seating infrastructure—and by 'finest,' I mean the workshop has been echoingly, heartbreakingly empty. This is a fundraiser to install a bench on EVERY HOLE at the NAU Campus Course. Permanent seating. For your tired butt. Between rounds. You'd think that would be a popular cause.
Mondays at Northern Arizona University, flex start from 7:00 AM to 5:00 PM—you pick your card, you pick your tee time, you take responsibility for your own woodworking schedule. Eight weeks of cutting, joining, sanding, and allegedly unveiling benches. Home of Louie the Lumberjack, who deserves better attendance than this.
🪵 Benches for Butts: A Bench on Every Hole
ACTIVE FUNDRAISER — 17% Funded
This league raises money to install permanent benches on every hole at the NAU Campus Course! We're at 17% of our $1,000 goal. Every round you play contributes directly to making sure your butt has somewhere to rest between throws. This is PERMANENT course improvement—not some weekly payout that disappears. These benches will outlast all of us. Help Louie build them.
Seventeen percent. We're building benches with seventeen percent of the budget. That's not a bench—that's a plank with ambition. Every dollar from your weekly entry feeds the fund. Play more rounds, get more benches. It's honestly that simple.
⚠️ The Mission Statement
This Is a Fundraiser
This is a fundraiser to raise money to install benches on every hole at the NAU Campus Course. Your entry fees don't just buy weekly glory—they buy permanent seating infrastructure for the course. Play disc golf now, sit comfortably later. The math works.
The Rival Factions
Two carpentry crews. One woodshop. Zero tolerance for wobbly joints.
- The Blueprint Bureau — The structured, precision-obsessed crew. They measure twice, cut once, and draft schematics with the clean lines of a 1950s government infographic. Divisions RPA through RAE. If there's a right way to build a bench, they'll find it and file the paperwork.
- The Sawdust Syndicate — Chaos with safety goggles. Action-comic energy, instinct-driven cuts, and the firm belief that the best bench comes from feel, not formulas. Divisions RAF and RAG. Their workshop has more sawdust than floor, and somehow it works.
Both factions compete on the NAU - FL!PT League layout. The Golden Chisel awaits whoever builds the truest bench. The other crew gets assigned to sand splinters off their own ego.
The Cost of Admission
Prize Money Buy-in
$5.00 (optional)
Super Ace
$2.00 (optional)
Total Possible
$11.50 if you go full send
That base $1.50 feeds the bench fund. The optional buy-ins feed your competitive spirit and possibly your wallet. Choose your level of financial commitment to the woodworking arts.
The Ace Pot
The ace pot sits at $50.00, and here's the deal: FL!PT Leagues guarantees a minimum $50 ace pot. That means the displayed amount can look 'stuck' at $50 until player contributions push it higher. Any guarantee top-up is credited to the winner's Bonus Account (registration-only; not withdrawable to PayPal or disc shops). Hit chains, get paid, fund benches. Everyone wins.
The Production Schedule
Eight weeks. One course. One mission. All Mondays at NAU.
- Aug 31 — Episode 1: Timber Haul (the logs arrive, the backs protest)
- Sep 7 — Episode 2: Blueprint NAU (design espionage suspected)
- Sep 14 — Episode 3: Sawdust Storm (measure twice, cry once)
- Sep 21 — Episode 4: Joinery Benches (mortise and tenon or mortis and tomb)
- Sep 28 — Episode 5: Wobble Campus (the Shim Division is born)
- Oct 5 — Episode 6: Sanding Marathon (fingerprint removal program)
- Oct 12 — Episode 7: Master Build (Golden Chisel awarded)
- Oct 19 — Episode 8: Benches Unveiled (ribbon cutting, revenge plotting)
We have arrived at the finale. The benches should be unveiled. The ribbons should be cut. Louie should be posing for photos on a finished product. Instead, the workshop is at 17% funding and last week had zero players. *stares into middle distance* The documentary crew is capturing everything. The humiliation is permanent.
The Timber Yard
Northern Arizona University Disc Golf Course. 7,000 feet of elevation in Flagstaff's dense Ponderosa pine forest. Your discs fly farther. Your lungs burn louder. The tight corridors demand precision—the kind of precision The Blueprint Bureau claims to have and The Sawdust Syndicate claims to not need.
Hole 12 plays above par for basically everyone. Hole 9 is the scoring opportunity. The rest is a technical chess match played with plastic on mountain terrain, where one tree kick turns your sure deuce into a scramble for par and a lecture from your cardmates about 'reading the gap.'
Mountain Golf Warning
Afternoon thunderstorms are common in summer. If you hear thunder, the safety call comes before any joke I could make. Clear the course. The benches will still be 17% funded when you get back.
🚨 Workshop Emergency
The Workshop Is Empty
Zero players last week. On the FINALE. Louie is standing alone in the woodshop, rubber mallet in hand, waiting for apprentices who never showed. The benches need building. The fund needs feeding. The documentary needs subjects. You cannot have a season finale with no cast. This is a fundraising emergency wrapped in a disc golf league inside an empty woodshop. Show up. Play. Build benches with your entry fees. Louie deserves better. The butts deserve seating. The course deserves 100%.
*slams clipboard on desk* I am contractually obligated to narrate this season, and I refuse to narrate an empty room. Grab a disc. Grab a friend. Grab a friend's disc. Just get to NAU on a Monday and throw plastic at chains so we can fund some benches. This is the finale. Make it count.
Late to the Workshop?
It's Week 8. The season is ending. But the fundraiser is NOT—the benches still need funding at 17%, and your entry fee still goes directly toward permanent course seating. Jump in now and you're not just playing disc golf; you're becoming a founding donor to the Butts Seating Initiative. That's a real thing I just named. You're welcome.
From the broadcast booth, I'm Flippy—your reluctant narrator in a woodshop documentary nobody watched. But the benches are real, and they need you. 🪵🪚